COVID-19 Is the World’s Worst Coworker | Full Frontal on TBS


I’m Samantha Bee, and I’m in the woods
right now! Both metaphorically and literally. To help prevent the spread of COVID-19, I
am now shooting the show with a safe, minimal crew of my husband and the creatures of the
forest! Oh! Who’s this? Hello, little bluebird! How are you?
– I’m a hallucination brought on by you isolating yourself!
Okay! As surreal as it still seems, the coronavirus
has changed how most of us live our lives. With millions in isolation and hundreds of
thousands infected, now is the time to put our differences aside and come together. Like,
not come together like these idiots. – Thousands of students who made their annual
pilgrimage to Florida for spring break are having celebrations interrupted.
– I think they’re blowing it way out of proportion. I think it’s doing way too much.
– If I get corona, I get corona. At the end of the day, I’m not gonna let it stop me
from partying. That’s right. If spring breakers get corona,
they’re gonna get corona. Oh, and they got corona. Florida, don’t be like this! Even
an alligator riding a lawnmower the wrong way down the interstate was like, “Get inside,
assholes!” Believe it or not, that’s Florida’s governor, David P. Alligator. He issued an
executive order to see you later, alligator. While America’s least wanted is hitting the
beach, the economy is getting slammed. Local news around the country has been showing empty
restaurants, bars, hotels, and stores that have either closed or seen a massive plummet
in business. The National Restaurant Association said U.S. restaurants could suffer a loss
of 225 billion dollars in the next three months. That’s four and a half Michael Bloombergs!
Put them together and that equals one normal-sized Bloomberg. And it’s not just restaurants.
Every part of the service industry is suffering. Here’s how one New York City dry cleaner has
been affected. – Our landlord still wants the rent paid,
our taxes paid. Con Edison wants the utilities paid. If nothing’s coming in, where am I
gonna get the money from to pay employees? So many of our clients are white-collar workers.
They are working remotely. And unfortunately, when you work remotely, you’re not cleaning
your clothes. New Yorkers, I know you’re all shitting
your pants in fear right now. Send your pants to her! Save her business! Unfortunately,
if your job isn’t considered essential or if you’re one of the 70% of people who can’t
work remotely, there’s a good chance you’re not working at all. And if you are working
remotely, there’s a 50% chance you’ve accidentally shown your coworkers what you look like on
the toilet. Even if you can go back to the office eventually, you really shouldn’t.
Meanwhile, concerts, conventions, and music festivals have all been delayed or canceled,
leaving thousands of artists, performers, technicians, cleaning staffs, vendors, and
more without the seasonal income they depend on for the rest of the year. Thank god Lilith
Fair doesn’t exist anymore. I don’t think my heart could take it. I mean, I didn’t just
go. I was Lilith Fair. The fact is pretty much every industry that employs the working
class is collapsing— except, I guess, pornography and beans. Which is why I’ve just released
my own line of bean-themed pornography. It’s gross. The catch-22 is that if you’re not
out of work, there’s a good chance you’re being pressured to keep working in dangerous
conditions. Last week, Amazon discovered a case of coronavirus at a New York warehouse.
And while they are being generous enough to offer a whole extra two dollars an hour for
working during a plague, they’ll only give workers paid time off if they’re under mandated
quarantine or if they test positive. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but those tests are
kinda hard to come by right now. You have to be like 25% famous to get tested. It’s
the new getting verified on Twitter. And if you do test positive and you’re one of the
more than 27 million Americans without health insurance, you could be on the hook for treatment
costing up to $100,000. And I don’t mean the good 100 Grand!
– Ugh, this is why women shouldn’t try comedy. Dammit, I miss the 30- to 50-year-old white
women who used to come to my show. Even when companies such as McDonald’s say
they’re offering employees paid sick leave during the crisis, I mean, they kind of aren’t.
– I’ve worked at McDonald’s for over 10 years. There are over 500,000 McDonald’s workers
just like me that have to go to work whether sick or well because we have no paid sick
leave. Last week, McDonald’s did roll out a coronavirus plan, stating that anybody that’s
quarantined will be paid. But you guys, don’t be fooled. That’s only for corporate-owned
McDonald’s. But 95% of McDonald’s are franchise stores—including my store. So that does
not benefit us whatsoever. 95% of stores won’t have paid sick leave if
their employees get the coronavirus. So I’d like to congratulate Trump’s new Secretary
of Labor: Mayor McCheese. Also, R.I.P. Trump ate him. And now that schools are closing,
working class parents have it even harder. Nearly 55 million students have been affected
by closures, and some areas are considering keeping schools closed through the summer.
This means parents with zero teaching experience now have to homeschool, even as Disney implements
its emergency plan to inject Frozen 2 directly into their kids’ veins. For some parents,
school closures mean having to choose between keeping their job so they can feed their kids
or quitting their job so they can stay home to take care of them. I guess there is a third
option: making every day Bring Your Kid to Work Day. It’s important to remember not every
family can afford remote learning and many low-income households with school-age children
don’t have broadband internet access. That’s a lot of kids going without education and
Animal Crossing. Both are probably that asshole Tom Nook’s fault. It’s also worth mentioning
that everything I’ve talked about tonight disproportionately impacts people of color,
because of course it does. Thanks systemic racism! A lot of people have lost their income.
But on a personal level, there are things that you can do to help out. Buy gift cards
to local businesses and restaurants. And if you do order delivery, tip! More than usual.
Tip them, as Mark Twain once said, like everybody is watching. But more than that, we need large-scale
government intervention. As of this taping, Congress is debating a two-trillion-dollar
stimulus package. Democrats have fought hard against original versions of the bill, which
failed to include enough aid for unemployed Americans, but did include a 500-billion-dollar
slush fund that Trump had clearly hoped would help cruise ship and hotel companies. The
only ship that should be helped right now is that scary ass hospital boat. It’s called
the U.S.N.S. Comfort, yet there is nothing comforting about it. Listen, I’m glad they’re
using it, but please don’t make me go on that boat! Look at it! That boat is 100% haunted
now. On the bright side, people are optimistic the new package will both pass and include
direct cash payments to individuals. It’s a way to help Americans while also giving
Andrew Yang a fire-hydrant-level wet dream. Shh. Don’t wake him. He’s stuck to the
bed. This is a scary as shit time. Hospitals are already overwhelmed, but the president
is signaling it’ll be safe to re-open businesses in weeks, not months. I guess he doesn’t
want to miss spending spring break with—let’s be honest—probably the next governor of
Florida. Every decision the president makes puts us in more danger than the one before.
We are going to lose people we love, and we won’t even be able to have funerals to mourn
them. And he is responsible. We would be much better if he just hid in his house and did
nothing like we’re all being asked to do. Instead now, we have all become Dr. Fauci
at that press conference. He was so mad he touched his face!
We need the government to stop bailing out big business and start bailing out the Americans
who need it. And we need to stop treating the working class like their lives matter
less than CEOs. In short, we need to start treating people like people. Well, not every
people.

100 thoughts on “COVID-19 Is the World’s Worst Coworker | Full Frontal on TBS

  1. Hey! I'm not a 30-50yo white woman. I'm a 26 year old hispanic male, and I love your show! Please stay safe. Much love from VA.

  2. What's the big deal Sam? Just add COVID-19 alongside the long list of STDs and other nasties one gets on the spring break drunkfest in Florida.

  3. Our ruling class is so very sick. To suggest that we proles return to work for the good of the country knowing full well it will cause unnecessary death and agony is beyond appalling.

    Neoconservatives, you have never had any credibility. I just hope that now, average, uneducated people who either didn't care before or who didn't know any better will start to see what you're really about: keeping the billionaire status quo at the cost of human life. When the poor have nothing left to eat, they will eat the rich.

  4. I hear the Casinos are trying to get more online gambling up and running. The odds don't look good but there IS a remote chance…

  5. I mean, absolutely tip the delivery people as much as you can afford for being heroes, but at least where I am, the implication that you probably shouldn't be ordering out for ethical reasons is actually more complicated. Many small restaurants are really desperate for people to order delivery or takeout right now because independent restaurants don't tend to be very stable at the best of times and the loss of income from isolation and social distancing is catastrophic and resulting in layoffs since they cannot afford their staff without regular business — unlike the chains which are absolutely just being wilfully evil. So obviously this is dependent on your local situation, but it's worth looking into whether know your area's family-owned restaurants want your orders, because they may be hurting.

  6. 46 year old (mostly) white male still watching here! Thank you for the dope content (and Jason for some really nice camera work)!

  7. Trump, the GOP & their corporate cronies DON'T GIVE A RAT'S REAR ABOUT US! The ONLY way to change this is to #Unite99% (poor, middle class, black & brown peoples, & the LGBTQ+ community). STOP ALLOWING THEM TO TO DIVIDE & CONQUER US! ✌🖖

  8. Loving the comedy and updates from your neck of the "woods" get it?!?!? (apologies isolation humour) Aus love you!!!!

  9. I'm so glad that I do not live or work in the USA. Over here in Germany we all have unlimited paid sick leave plus 30 days vacation on top of that… the USA is a third world country that has basically legalized slavery

  10. They will have to bail out businesses again and again and again until they eventually realize that we have a consumer driven economy, and they need to funnel money to the consumers, because without consumers, businesses will keep failing.

  11. "We are now in an extremely dangerous moment where a reckless ruling class and a self-absorbed president are trying to prematurely end the fight against the dangerous pandemic because their stock portfolios are taking a hit. This is sociopathic governance." Seth Myers

  12. Isn't that stimulus bill… not going to be enough at all? With one-time checks that barely last a month? And still just another money vacuum for the rich?

  13. Thanks Sam, you, Seth, and Bill Maher et al., I consider essential mental health workers during this crisis.

  14. Always brilliant and funny! Samantha takes it to another level with Beeing At Home. You're even more brilliant, hilarious, and beautiful broadcasting from your backyard! Sure, it's comforting to see stars continuing to do their best in the "new normal". But the creativity seems in high gear, like with the bluebird creature. More forest creatures please!

  15. awww…hella sweet w/ the opening title: Little Show in the Big Woods. When i was in the 4th grade i had a teacher who read us a chapter or so everyday out of those books. By the end of the school year we had just got into 'By the Shores of Silver Lake'. That year on the last day of school i cried & that was the only time ever i didn't want the school year to end.

  16. i didn't have broadband access either so i downloaded Barenaked Ladies…turns out their all guys…total fail

  17. Is Samantha Bee the only host who brought home a decent microphone & camera? Talk about prepared, These look great!!

  18. Thank you Samantha B – your giving me courage- yeah I'm working through this essential service here – I think that it has become a civic duty to order take away – i feel for those whom have lost their jobs.

  19. I have a new drinking game for you all. Spring break activity. Watch the briefing and take a shot every time one of them touches their face. Bill Barr alone would knock you out. Sure, you wake up hung over, and alone, but you could avoid watching the nightly news. Maybe get a good nights sleep….

  20. I work for an auto parts store, while im thankful i have work, i have two months of sick time saved up because i never call in. I cant use it for this, We are just closing two hours early and cleaning more. People dont take it serious at all coming in buying air fresheners and dumb bs, bringing their kids along. Not much I can do but wash my hands like crazy all that jazz and pray I dont get it.

  21. “he was so mad he touched his face!” wow… that’s the 2020 reference of the year.. i’m watching movies, and like, “oh don’t get in that elevator, oh, you touched his hand, oh my god you’re just eating from the buffet!?! movies from 2019 are TERRIFYING now!”

  22. These people and businesses talking about losing 293 billion. At the most I make $3600 in 3 months. So I'm sorry if billionaires and millionaires dont make money. I dont feel bad for them. You live paycheck to paycheck for 15years, never take a vacation because you don't have the money and can't afford it, and just make everything work so the lights stay. F#ck those rich mfers. I'm tired of hearing rich people problems

  23. Consistently the only late night show who’s jokes work without an audience. Love your writing keep it up! Thank you!

  24. love love love Samantha Bee! Sarcasm, irony, satire, , ahhhhhh yes and the deep woods!!
    The Velvet Vaginas!!! When is the comeback tour?? inquiring minds want to know!!

  25. Amazon warehouse associate here. I was thinking the same thing about the convienent lack of tests for covid-19, so I asked around and there is/will be something setup for us to be tested. Is it all ready to go? I don't even know.

  26. Isn’t this a wonderful opportunity to let the cruise liner companies go bust and not be replaced? The world will be a better and cleaner place if these floating hotels ceased their trade.

  27. Hey, hey, hey, the spring break go-ers on the beach were by and large not Floridians! We may do crazy things (our real governor is even worse than an alligator on a lawn mower), but even we don't want to be around the beach during tourist season. We can go to the beach all year long; the people who refused to leave were largely out of staters who didn't want to have their vacations ruined.

  28. The coronavirus has shown that broadband is a utility like electricity or water. Would it be too much for the FCC to recognise it?

  29. As someone who was watched you since your first episode, if you don't cover Tara Reade I am never watching you again.

  30. Awesome work, Sam! Can I also point out that Sam has the best sound recording equipment among all late-night hosts? I can't hear the other hosts very well with all the ambient noise that AirPods picked up…

  31. About the young people highlighted at the beginning of the story I ask of them only one thing, PLEASE do not reproduce.

  32. If congress passes this stimulus package, it will complete the effort Senator Barry Goldwater claimed in the 1970s was an effort of the business elite to rule governments world wide by creating world wide chaos. Companies that don't pay taxes get bailed out, they can still layoff 10% of their employees and it will allow big business to drive small business out of business. The big interconnected multinational corporations will become all powerful and it leaves Trump in control of how the money is spent..

  33. Excellent example of how TV host's can hold up on Youtube. Other hosts should follow suit! This video is so well done, kudos to the staff! Great video quality, monologue, tone, pace, engagement, editing…relevance. Thank you for making this video!

  34. Watching this from quarantined France, where our strained public health
    system is on the cusp of a mighty wave of Covid patients… all I can
    say is: listen to doctors, not Trump! THEY know what they're talking
    about. Citizens' health should at all times take precedence over the
    economy in politicians' minds, period.

  35. Watching this from quarantined France, where our strained public health
    system is on the cusp of a mighty wave of Covid patients… all I can
    say is: listen to doctors, not Trump! THEY know what they're talking
    about. Citizens' health should at all times take precedence over the
    economy in politicians' minds, period.

  36. I really appreciate the levity. We’re all bombarded with alarmist info 24/7 (I’ve had to turn off the TV but read the paper) and it’s stressful.

  37. 65 year old male, union labor lawyer, Groucho Marx aficionado and Samantha Bee fanatic still watching. You are the best.

  38. The students are prime candidates for the Darwin Awards! When this ends there will a library’s worth of volumes!

  39. Love you Sam Bee!! Voice for the people.
    Just FYI – Here's what the Irish Government is proposing to help people get through this with financial help… just thought you'd be interested to hear: (Also big shout out to the EU for providing funding – Irish Gov website below too):

    Government announces new COVID-19 Income Support Scheme

    The government has announced a National COVID-19 Income Support Scheme.

    This will provide financial support to Irish workers and companies affected by the crisis.

    Measures include:

    a temporary wage subsidy of 70% of take home pay up to a maximum weekly tax free amount of €410 per week to help affected companies keep paying their employees. This is the equivalent of €500 per week before tax

    workers who have lost their jobs due to the crisis will receive an enhanced emergency COVID-19 Pandemic Unemployment Payment of €350 per week (an increase from €203)

    the COVID-19 illness payment will also be increased to €350 per week

    the self-employed will be eligible for the COVID-19 Pandemic Unemployment Payment of €350 directly from the Department of Employment Affairs and Social Protection (rather than the Revenue scheme)

    enhanced protections for people facing difficulties with their mortgages, rent or utility bills

    https://www.gov.ie/en/news/7e0924-latest-updates-on-covid-19-coronavirus/

  40. Just for protocol: Most business crash because they can't afford to pay rant to their landowners. People lose their home because they can't afford rant. If the government would temporary stop rant, enormous damages could get prevented, for zero tax dollars. Only the rich people who own land and assets would get less profits. But these people are rich, they are more able to handle it than poor people. But instead the u.s. government take billions of tax dollars and give them to the rich, so they maybe can pay the poor if they work for them. That's an inefficient strategy imho.

  41. That birds a hater. Sam's writers were on fire tonite. "Thats David P.Alligator. He issued an executive order to 'See Ya later alligator"- 😆

  42. WHAT! Socialism? Health care for all? Free public college tuition? Multi billion dollar corporate bail outs! Green new deal!?!?! sounds like Socialism is coming weather we want it or not….Sorry Capitalist.

  43. Thanks for shedding light on these issues and blessing us with your comedic charm during this pandemic crisis. We love you Bee…

  44. Thank you so much for persevering and making a show — it means a super lot to this 30-50 yr old white lady. 💜

  45. America operates way more like a company than a country. It's times like these that you truly see its priorities… it is a really scary time to be an American.

  46. A one time $1200 check will not be helpful, people are out of work and still has to pay bills and buy groceries m, it’s clear Congress is wildly out of touch with regular people. I live in New York and my monthly bills are over $3000 how the duck is one payment of $1200 supposed to help me pay my bills for months?

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