Cyanide & Happiness Compilation – #19


So did you bring a condom you bet I did oh Oh No I traded coats with that homeless man. What?! nothing, one moment What there’s nothing I can’t find oh God, huh? Every single day all the time local crime boys do a big illegal crime Over 3,000 crime boys were given a new home last year a home with lots of metal bars But what about the lots and lots of bad deters that stay outside not in a cage at all outside? Where they can shoot a bank or yell at a dog? Hello, I’m fancy suit man John Batman will you do your part to cage up the crime guy or two what about three Look at this sad boy, and this one. It’s a girl. Also sad because she’s in a box with bars Don’t you want to help her stay there forever? Every day I punch a bad guy until he’s in a cage. Why don’t you punch some money into a mailbox? For as little as a small fortune. You’ll keep these meanings behind bars Call now and get a photo of one you helped cage up. I don’t have a phone so put a light in the cloud People with money just like you put a bunch of crime dinners in a cage last time crime dinners like scared crow the Pangolin one face dr. Crux clown town cat nips egg legs the Madlib bad hat Barbara Bush and Fanny morph Like Johnny questions question marks man professor millionaire doctor man Batman questions mark weep day William Hartley quim mr.. Ice guy and many more Many more is a villain also for as little as 10% of your taxes. You could box up a bad boy Don’t believe me ask another fancy suit man, but just a regular suit not a bad suit Bruce Wayne. I don’t pay taxes. I’m rich Sound smart brutes When you give us your money, we only keep some of it the rest buys bars and walls and locks if there’s enough left This little guy needs a forever home But instead of in a house its prison forever once you put him there forever if you don’t give us the money He’ll just robbed it from your purse or bank Okay, go Robert won’t you pull a light on a cloud so John Batman can put a lock on a cloud? No, don’t poke him There’s a bad boy But if you wanna stop a crime time and you don’t You can send a son Oh Ow Bro did you know you eat an average of one spider at night whatever dude, that’s a total myth Statistics like that are always made up no way bro. It’s totally legit Oh Come on buddy you promised me, you’d have your room clean by now whoops. Sorry dad. Hey Dad What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark now? We can’t right now frostbite get it Very funny, but we’re not done talking about your room. Hey Dad. What do you get when you cross Rachel with a gorilla? Son you promised me you would clean your dumb gorilla Hey now apologize to your sister nah she sucks hey Dad, what do you get when you cross them stop right there I’ve got one of my own Really, let me have it all right listen closely What do you get when you cross your dad with a bad attitude? Is it pants is it is it Hey Dad, what are you giving you cross bleach with ammonia Mustard gas huh, that’s not very funny Take this my son for it is my body, thank you Jesus and Take this for it is my blood. Yes, Jesus Take this my son, or it is my hair uh Okay Jesus And this is my head Jesus, it’s ready, it’s perfect. Oh shit here they come Well Well, what do we have? Here looks like a dark definitely a dork with that and definitely a dork with that hair What do you say we give it a wash yeah, that should fix it There you go dork, huh Wow and the final touches Wow Thanks, you’re welcome dork Hey, are you boys smoking in here? And That’s why scientists have calculated that our solar system formed nearly 5 billion years ago. No Didn’t happen It was six thousand years ago what that’s ridiculous the earth alone is over 4.5 billion years old Nope, don’t think so science proves it the data shows that No using carbon dating and sediment layers we know then 6,000 years ago it was Billions of years after the Sun formed the leftover gases condensed, and here’s a condensed gas, Floria teach I Wish we could keep God out of our schools It won’t be long now you should say your goodbyes who dad No do you allow this isn’t the end we’ll be together again Don’t be sad I’ll be with you drama someday And Again for those just tuning in scientists have in fact confirmed that the solar flare will hit the earth within ten minutes We are looking at a total extinction event hold your families close. This is Abby babble signing off good luck and Godspeed What what do we do now don’t worry son I’ll get my ladder Come on boy we have to go Mom-mom and everyone else don’t worry my boy. Your mother will always live on in our hearts now. Let’s go Here we are son this is our new home But, but what if they don’t accept us I have a feeling, babe will Ah I Can’t believe I knew it you were cheating on me you interdimensional hussy it’s not like this is how you treat a royal trial it from chapter Zig my 49 brood mothers were right about you I Just wanted to mix things up this relationship is over. I’m out of here catch you on the flip-flop, bitch I Believe, I’ll be Taking that loot old-timer. No way I found it. It’s mine. I’m afraid. I’m gonna have to insist I don’t think so I Believe I will be taking that Polti now hold it right there As sheriff of this County I’m claiming that prize for the taxpayers I don’t think so, Kemosabe this land belongs to my people which means that belongs to us Booty for meself Oh Bitches I Know you only think about taking my money, baby all civilians That chest and the contents therein is the property of the US government? Hey, don’t you all think that maybe just maybe the real treasure here is friendship? No the real treasure. Be treasure

100 thoughts on “Cyanide & Happiness Compilation – #19

  1. Omfg I just bought franks hot sauce now I'm on my way home in a car and while I'm watching YouTube a commercial came on and it was about the same hot sauce that I just brought what do u think is it real or just an elobrate hoax?

  2. The one with the dead man screaming.
    I'd actually prefer that afterlife over heaven.
    Like who wants to exist AGAIN but this time for ETERNITY
    It has to get boring right?

  3. 4:50 the first people in the lines at the left and right is the girlfriend and boy from the rubber part 2 man they have been broke up for a long time that they didn’t know that who they were

  4. No life after death
    True treasure is friendship
    Intergalactic ladders

    Can't say if it's complete bullshit or completly right.
    Especially with that friendship part.

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