Don’t Worry, No One Cares


We tend to begin our lives with a deeply unrepresentative
experience: that of being surrounded by people who care to an extraordinary extent about
us. We look up from the dreams and confusions of early infancy and may find a smiling face
or two observing us with the utmost tenderness and concern. They watch us as a rivulet of
saliva leaks slowly from the corner of our mouth and rush to wipe it away as if dabbing
at a precious canvas, then indulgently stroke the fine soft hairs on our delicate scalps.
They declare us close to supernatural when, at last, we succeed in pulling our first smile.
The applause rings for days when we take our initial steps, giggle, totter, fall, and bravely
try to resume our progress. It isn’t just at home. At school, the best
teachers encourage us when we find something difficult; they understand we might be shy;
they’re keen to detect and encourage the early, tentative signs of our particular talents. Then, of course, we grow up and are inducted
into a horrific reality: we exist in a world of astonishing indifference to almost everything
we are, think, say or do. We might be in late adolescence when the point really hits home.
We might be in a bedsit at university or wandering the streets of the city at night on our own
– when it occurs to us, with full force, how negligible a thing we are in the wider
scheme. No one in the crowds we pass knows anything about us. Our welfare is of no concern
to them. They jostle against us on the pavements, and treat us as a mere impediment to their
progress. Huge trucks thunder past. No one is going to stroke our head or wipe away our
saliva now. We’re tiny against the towers and brightly-lit flashing advertising hoardings.
We might die and no one would even notice. It may be a stern truth – but we make it
all the more so by focusing only on its darkest dimensions. We remain grief-stricken by how
invisible we are, yet we cease to put this bracing thought to its proper philosophical
purpose, that of rescuing us from another problem which is gnawing at us all the while:
an ongoing and highly corrosive sense of self-consciousness. In another side of our minds, we haven’t
accepted the indifference of others at all, in fact, we know, and suffer intensely, from
just how much (as we feel sure) others are thinking of us. We’re extremely worried
about how high-pitched and odd our voice sounded when we asked the waiter for a bit more milk.
We’re certain that the sales attendant noticed how out of shape our stomach is. The people
in the restaurant where we’re eating alone are undoubtedly spending considerable time
wondering why we have no friends. At work, they’re
still dwelling on that slightly stupid thing we said last month about the US sales strategy.
A person we went to bed with four years ago is to this day thinking ill of us in some
powerful but undefined way. We don’t really have evidence for any of
this, and yet it can feel like an emotional certainty. It is intuitively clear that our
foolishness and less than impressive sides are being noted and dwelt on all the time
by everyone at large. Every way in which we depart from what the world considers to be
normal, upstanding and dignified has been registered by the widest constituency. ‘They’
can tell that we’ve bumped into doors, spilt things down our front, misremembered anecdotes,
tried to show off and have something odd going on with our hair.
To liberate us from this punitive narrative, we may need to conduct a deliberately artificial
thought-exercise; we may have to set ourselves the challenge of examining how long we spend
on the foolishness (or just existence) of others. How we think and feel about people
we don’t particularly know is perhaps the best guide to the workings of the average
human imagination: to pretty much the rest of the world, we are the very same sort of
strangers or casual acquaintances as we know and deal with in our own daily experience.
And here, the results can be surprising. Imagine that we’re in a lift, standing next to someone
on our way to the 20th floor. They know we disapprove of their choice of jacket. They
know they should have picked another one and that they look silly and pinched in this one.
But we haven’t noticed the jacket. In fact, we haven’t noticed they were born – or
that one day they will die. We’re just worrying about how our partner responded when we mentioned
our mother’s cold to them last night. Or it’s well into the last bit of a two
hour meeting that we sense that a colleague’s hair really is a bit different today, though
we can’t quite put a finger on how – even though they spent a small fortune on their
cut and thought intensely about the wisdom of visiting a new salon. In other words, when we take our own minds as a guide we get a far more accurate and far less oppressive vision of whats likely to be going on in the heads of other people when they encounter us. Which is in the nicest way, not very much. This news is both very bad and also strangely good. on he one hand someone may not notice when we die and they will be sure to not notice when we spill some orange juice down our front or do our hair the wrong way.
It’s not that we – or they – are horrible. Our lacking of caring isn’t absolute. If
we really saw a stranger in trouble in the water, we would dive in. When a friend is
in tears, we are sympathetic. It’s just that for the most part, we need to filter.
Our everyday lack of care occurs for a perfectly sane and forgivable reason: we need to spend
most our waking energies on navigating, and doing justice to, our own intimate concerns.
Once we’ve had to think about our relationship, our career, our finances, our health, our
close relatives, our offspring, our upcoming holidays, our friends and the state of our
household, there will just be very little time left to reflect on the suddenly high-pitched
voice of a customer or the outfit of a colleague. We are owed the upside of an otherwise tragic
insight. We shouldn’t just suffer from the indifference of others, we should – where
it matters – properly reciprocate it. We shouldn’t merely suffer from being ignored,
we should accept the liberation implicit in the fact that we are being so. And then, in
turn, we should embark more courageously on those situations and adventures where a touch
of foolishness is always a possibility; the start of a new business, a romantic invitation,
a question at a conference… We may fail, but we can believe with new certainty that
almost no one will give a damn if we do, an idea that may – above anything else – help
to contribute to our success (something which, as we now know, no one will much notice or
care about anyway).

100 thoughts on “Don’t Worry, No One Cares

  1. Are you held back by a fear of what other people may think? How do you cope? Let us know in the comments below and be sure to turn on notifications to ensure you don't miss our next film.

  2. Actually people do care. For example, my girlfriend is thinking of me. Lots of people are judge mental. I do have evidence for this. Even strangers would care if they watched you die, you just don’t know us. I’m no fan of this video. I don’t care for people to notice when I die, especially my loved ones.

  3. Oh man I needed this. I've been really off my game recently. I've made some poor decisions day to day especially at work. Not career ending or anything…just really dumb and embarassing in hindsight. But hey, NO ONE CARES YAY!

  4. 2 major exceptions to this:
    1. Your family ( parents, siblings, children ( spouse excepted ) they care
    2. They care when there’s something in it for them , ie when a woman sees a man as a husband potential, she cares albeit only to the extent of what the man can provide for her, she won’t ever genuinely care for him like a mother or family would. 😉

  5. I remember staring into a mirror in a changing room trying to decide if a shirt was really "me" or not, then literally laughing a bit at how no one, including me, really gives a crap which shirt I buy. From that day on "is it comfortable?" became way more important than "how does it look?" to me.

  6. My rules:
    1.) Trust no one except yourself
    2.) Don't show any weakness to horrible people
    3.) Don't worry too much
    4.) Stay optimistic but don't expect too much
    5.) Control your emotions
    6.) Love yourself
    You are born with dignity and with that you should have self-respect.
    No matter what they say don't make it affect you.
    Make it a motivation, tell yourself that they're wrong and PROVE them wrong.
    You are not ugly, you are not stupid, you are not pathetic.
    Unless you let them call you that, you are.
    You deserve people who treat you like you treat them. You step up and take action. But don't be stupid. Act wisely. Think.
    Use your brain before using your emotions. I cannot stress this enough.

  7. Honestly whenever in doubt and worry I just remind myself that we're all human and everyone has been on the same boat as us. So instead of worrying too much about it, I give strangers and smile and see how that brightens their moment. Try it, it's truly heartwarming 🙂

  8. My top 3 assumptions when the doorbell rings:
    1. Murderer
    2. Police telling me everyone is dead
    3. That book I ordered about positive thinking

  9. Care about people´s approval and you will be their prisoner. Do your work, then step back, the only path to serenity.

    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  10. On the contrary found several people in my life who had a problem with me not caring about them anymore. They claimed they were worried about me not being myself anymore, but really they aren't able to control my emotions (and thus me) if I don't care about them. I'd be anybody else if it meant I didn't have to live this any more, that includes living an apathetic life.

  11. I care about everyone I encounter so, therefore, they all care about me. Then again, I don’t live in a big city, we are all polite and care about our fellow neighbors.

  12. I think that the recipe to free ourselves from the fear of being judged is to care enough about something not to be anxious about the rest.

    Ex: -Care too much about the accomplishment of a project to let people's opinion stop you.
    -Be so dedicated to feeling good that you ignore the pressure that people put on you, because you have to.

  13. A very spot-on explanation of what my mind have been the last 15 years.
    I feel lonely in a world full of people swallowing anything the social media is feeding them with.

  14. I disagree with the notion that complete strangers are willing to help in a moment of need. Kitty Genovese is a perfect example of that and she's not the only one. Human beings aren't just indifferent, they're inherently cruel. We have to be taught compassion and most of us are lousy learners.

  15. That pretty much sums it up. No one cares. That's why trump is getting away with destroying the country. That's why there genocide going on in at least 3 different parts of the world right now. That's why the planet is burning down and not 1 fossil fuel company is being held accountable nor are we doing anything useful to fix it. That's why people have to choose between watching their entire family be slaughtered like animals or having their children kidnapped by the country they're trying to seek asylum from. No one fucking cares.

  16. horror/thriller author at amazon.com books sez: This all strikes me as a bit neurotic, as I don't spend NEAR this much time and energy analyzing others or worrying about what others think of me.

  17. If they care fine if they dont care fine it's their actions or helping words that can make a difference whether they give a shit or not

  18. God bless you Jesus loves you so much repent and trust in him and you shall be saved no matter what you have done, I love you.

  19. My mom was very busy in the kitchen getting diner ready and I came in pestering her to stop and make me a sandwich. I kept saying over and over "I want a  sandwich"  which caused her to pause for a second slowly turn to me and roar " and there are people in hell wanting ice water! " .  This post made me think of that.  I wonder why .

  20. They delete my comments faster than they wish they were selling their paraphernalia. Somebody's desperate to protect their business… Of selling reassurances.

  21. hmmm it true people don't care about you..even when we think they do they really don't.they only care when its something to do with them or what you can offer them.so I mean i spend my life caring for others I began to be successful when I stop caring about others an focus on my self…. i still considered others but not so much

  22. This is absolutely asinine. Caring and love are the instinctual natures we are born with. The self consciences proper response to others is to help. The purpose of self consciousness is not introspection and guilt but outward freedom to create a better world.

  23. I think this video overstated how little people care about one another. Especially now with social media and the internet, we are all looking at eachother and comparing our lives to one another. But yes, I do think we tend to blow things out of proportion in our minds. The fact is that people will certainly have opinions about you and think things about you but you have to let go of trying to control other people because you can’t. When you let go of that control, that’s when you can truly be free.

  24. Some cousins I haven't seen in more than 10 years are visiting in a couple of months. I am already nervous about how they'll see and judge me and my life….

  25. very interesting… I live in LA where most people don't even acknowledge you or even aware of when you are parking your car without honking several times… humorous and annoying, I got used to it… than I went to where I grew up a small town… I was like WTF so many needless conversations about sh*t that doesn't matter…. perspective

  26. Don't worry, no one cares

    Yes they do. Especially if you're famous. Imagine if you were Jennifer Aniston and you farted in public. And you can sure as hell bet the world stood still when Michael Jackson died. Haha so, yes, no one will care if you are a nobody. So surely this vid must assume that everyone watching it IS a nobody who still has the privilege of anonymity. What a subtle, patronising insult to your audience tSoL to assume that, but it only goes to confirm my belief that this channel preys on the needy. F*&^ you self help. Read between the lines people. Biggest hypocrites in existence

    tSoL: "Don't worry, no one cares"

    Also tSoL: *monitors view count on this video obsessively *

  27. Come to think of it,
    I don't really care what others are doing, wether they are alone on a restaurant or trying hard not no sound dump with their questions

    So, if I don't care, why should they?

  28. We have got to realize we are all basically selfish and the best we can do is to modify ourselves so that our selfish deeds benefits others as well

  29. People are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves,they therefore remain bound. The people who does not shrink from self-crucification can never fail to accomplish the object the part which their heart is set. This is true of earthly as of heavenly things. Even the man whose object is to acquire wealth must be prepared to make great personal sacrifices before he can accomplish his object,and how much more so he who would realize a strong and well poised life

  30. "A touch of foolishness" quitessential British good form and rebelliousness. I think I am not an Irish patriot until I hear drivel like this by the by I'm not going to retract this statement tiocfaidh ar la

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