When was your first time? When do you think my first time was? I think when you guys went to homecoming (laughs) Yeah, no, that wasn’t the first time but That wasn’t the first time? I’m Lance and this is my dad, Cliff. Hi I’m (name) This is my mom. Today we are talking about how I lost my virginity. That’s one of the few things we don’t really talk about. I don’t think we got past the birds and the bees. – (laughs) No
– Why not?
– Well… – Cause she’s asian (laughs) Do you remember when I lost my virginity? Um she was probably around 14? I knew exactly. I went to the dirty clothes and I searched for your underwear. And you had the drops of blood and I said “She did it!” My first two times with a boy and the first time with a woman. Do you know the difference? – One’s a boy and one’s a woman, yeah.
– Good job. I was probably like, 16, 17ish. This girl had a hatchback. We were plenty drunk and you can imagine the rest. – Or do I have to elaborate?
– Yeah I’m a virgin. She doesn’t think I’m a virgin so I gotta play it cool. (on the phone) You’re not ready for this. You can’t handle this. I’m like “Yeah, I can do cowgirl.” I didn’t even know what cowgirl was. What is cowgirl? I don’t know what it is. So there’s reverse cowgirl and cowgirl. Am I saying that right? Okay, a cow is a cow. What does it gotta do with you and a girl? Think about the bases. First base, second base, third base, fourth base. No foreplay? Um… Oh God. Kind of awkward but… the instincts came (laughs) Making out… Kissing… He was very sweaty. – Like dripping.
– That’s gross. Skipped third. – You skipped third?
– I think so.
– That’s a tough base to skip, darling. Did you suck her toes? Did I suck her— Do you suck toes dad? I hope you don’t suck— Do you suck toes?! Now you’re starting to make me think you suck toes. – Did it hurt you?
– No. It felt good. – Really? It didn’t hurt you?
– No. – Did you perform oral sex?
– You did? Don’t act— Aww She grabbed it and she put it in. I used to think that it would be cold. – Seriously.
– You should it was gon be cold? Stop laughing Stop laughing okay? Cause it’s not funny okay. I used to tell– (laughs) You climaxed? I enjoyed it (laughs) oh God. (laughs) that’s the look. Did you climax when you lost your virginity? – No.
– Me neither. Did you? Oh, well. He has to (laughs) So did you ‘poof’ right away? Yeah, you just like ‘poof’ Let’s just say, before I went over, cleared the pipes so hopefully it’d make me last longer. – How long did it last?
– Pretty long. I was pretty proud of myself. – Really?
– Yes! Do you think it lasted a long time in your head or in actuality? No, I was watching the clock. – Twenty-seven minutes.
– I know! – Wow
– Yes! – Probably like seven minutes.
– No it wasn’t no seven minutes. It was three seconds. It was ‘1… 2… Poof’ With the woman it was more relaxing, sexual, kissing on the neck more. – More foreplay.
– Yeah, you could say that. More foreplay. – Did he use a condom?
– Yes. – Did you use protection?
– What kind?
– I don’t know. I’m not talking brand. I’m talking the kind. Yeah, I did. You sure? – What’d you do?
– Pull out method.
– You just pull it out (laughs) That’s protection. That’s protection. I didn’t and boop I have a one-and-a-half-year-old which I love you know but – Did y’all talk?
– No. – This was not an emotional experience, you might say.
– Eh… You know, I was in love. Things didn’t pan out the way I had planned or expected it to but nothing’s really expected. What happened after that? I made an excuse. Left. I don’t think I was ashamed but You know I did feel bad that I felt like I couldn’t even talk to you guys about it I’m sorry that I never did come and tell you guys and I had to continuously lie about it Cat’s out of the bag Sex is not bad but you have to have some kind of feeling Friendship, love. Do you agree? Yeah Huh? How was your first time? Oh my gosh. (snorts)