Patton Oswalt Is Shocked When Stephen Colbert Tells Him To Skip “The Hobbit”


>>Stephen: FOLKS, MY NEXT
GUEST TONIGHT IS A GRAMMY AND EMMY AWARD-WINNING COMEDIAN WHO
I ALWAYS ENJOY TALKING TO, PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE
SHOW MR. PATTON OSWALT. (APPLAUSE)
LOVELY TO SEE I AGAIN. (APPLAUSE)
LOVELY TO SEE I AGAIN.>>THANK YOU.>>Stephen: I FEEL LIKE I KIND
OF SEE YOU AND FOLLOW YOU ON TWITTER, AND I CATCH PEARLS OF
WISDOM EVERY SO OFTEN.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: YOU THROW IT OUT
THERE.>>SOMETIMES.>>Stephen: HOW HAVE YOU BEEN,
IT’S BEEN TOO LONG, IT’S BEEN ALMOST TWO YEARS OR SOMETHING
SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN ON HERE AND WE MISS PATTON OSWALT, WHAT IS
WRONG, WHAT DID I SAY, WHAT DID I DO?>>I MISS PATTON OSWALT. I AM TRAVELING, I AM ON THE ROAD
AND I’M FLYING OUT ALMOST EVERY WEEKEND DOING STANDUP. SO I’M ON,.>>Stephen: IS THAT STRESSFUL,
ALL THAT TRAVELING AROUND, DOES IT WEAR YOU DOWN.>>IT GETS YOU A LITTLE WEARY
AND I’M VERY PARANOID ABOUT LIKE THE CORONAVIRUS AND EVERYONE ON
THE PLANE.>>Stephen: EVERYONE IS DOING
STANDUP IN WITH YOU HAND PROVINCE OR.>>NO, I AM BOXED THERE FOR A
HANDSHAKING FESES VAL WHICH I’M A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT.>>Stephen: OKAY, OKAY. CAN YOU EXPLAIN THIS, BECAUSE I
WAS TOLD THIS HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT ANXIETY OF YOURS, I
WILL SHOW IT TO YOU FIRST, SO YOU KNOW THE PHOTO. SO I AM GOING TO, DO YOU WANT TO
EXPLAN THIS OR SHOULD I SHOW THIS FIRST.>>WHEN I FLY ON PLANES I
AM– HALF OF THEM ARE COUGHING AND SNEEDZING SO I PUT A LITTLE
THING OVER MY FACE THAT I– YES, THAT I WEAR. LAUGH LAUGH I– .>>Stephen: IS IT NECESSARY TO
LOOK LIKE A CHARACTER FROM A SASINS CREED, AN HOMAGE, WHAT IS
THIS?>>ST ME BEING PARANOID AND OF
COURSE THE INTERNET SET ME RIGHT GOING OH, THAT MASK DOESN’T
BLOCK ANYTHING, AND IF ANYTHING, IT CREATES A MOIST ENVIRONMENT
THAT MAKES VIRUSES, AGAIN, JUST COMPLETELY MADE ME TEN TIMES
MORE PARANOID ABOUT EVERYTHING.>>Stephen: WAIT A SECOND, IF
I SAW YOU ON MY PLANE I WOULD GET PARANOID.>>WELL.>>Stephen: THIS WOULD NOT
CALM THE REST OF US DOWN.>>EXACTLY.>>Stephen: LIKE DRIVING
THROUGH THE LINCOLN TUNNEL LOOKING OVER TO THE GUY NEXT TOY
AND HE HAS SCUBA GEAR ON.>>WELL, THERE ARE A LOT OF
PEOPLE WITH FACE MASKS LIKE SURGICAL FACE MASKS AM I’M
TRYING TO BE A LITTLE STYLISH AND POST APOC TIP
LICK– APOCALYPTIC WITH IT.>>Stephen: NOTHING CAMS
PEOPLE DOWN LIKE POST APOCALYPSE.>>YEAH, YOU KNOW.>>Stephen: DO YOU STILL GET
RECOGNIZED.>>WEIRDLY ENOUGH ON MY FLIGHT
LAST WEEKEND, IT WAS A MORNING FLIGHT, WE GET IN, EVERYONE
IMMEDIATELY GOES TO SLEEP. BUT I GUESS I GOT UP TO USE THE
REST ROOM A COUPLE OF TIMES WITH MY MASK, WITH MY HOOD. I GUESS I WAS SCUTTLING THROUGH
THE PLANE, AND THEN I GET MY PHONE PING, I GET A DM ON
TWITTER. FROM OF ALL PEOPLE JACK RYAN,
JOHN COUNTRIES INSKY WAS SITTING ACROSS– CRIS INSKY WAS SITTING
ACROSS, HE DMED ME, BIZARRE QUESTION, ARE YOU DRESSED AS A
NINJA ON A FLIGHT TO L.A.? (APPLAUSE)
IF SO I MAY BE SITTING NEXT TO YOU. SO– .>>Stephen: WAIT A SECOND, HOW
LITTLE ICON TACT DO YOU MAKE IN PUBLIC?>>HE IS LIKE 6 FOOT 3 OR
SOMETHING. AND HE’S JOHN CRYZINSKY, HE IS
TALLER SITTING DOWN THAN I AM STANDING UP, HE IS HUGE.>>Stephen: A VERY BIG GOI.>>HE IS WATCHING A MOVIE. IF YOU LOOK AT THE TONE OF THE
MESSAGE, YES, HE SEEMED FRIENDLY AND FUNNY BUT THERE IS SOME FEAR
IN THAT, LIKE ARE YOU?>>Stephen: HE DOESN’T KNOW
THIS IS YOU.>>THERE IS A PATTON SHAPED
NINJA FOR SOME REASON. SO I EITHER HAD SOME REALLY BAD
SCRAMBLED EGGS AND I’M HALLUCINATING OR SOMETHING IS
ABOUT TO HAPPEN. SO YEAH.>>Stephen: I SAW SOMETHING
ONLINE THE OTHER DAY WHICH I JUST LOVE. YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER ALLAH.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: HOW OLD.>>SHE WILL STILL DO, WHAT I
LIKE ABOUT I POST VIDEO SHE WILL STILL DO THINGS WITH YOU.>>YES.>>Stephen: THAT DOES END,
FAIR WARNING.>>SHE IS ON THE VERY EDGE OF
THE EYE ROLLING STAGE BUT STILL LIKES TO DO THINGS.>>Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP
HERE THAT YOU BROUGHT. YOU WANT TO SET UP WHAT IS
HAPPENING HERE?>>YEAH, I TWEETED THIS OUT A
COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO. WE HAVE BEEN, I HAVE BEEN
READING H.E.R. THE HARRY POTTER BOOKS SINCE SHE WAS FIVE OR SIX. AND WE, AND THE OTHER NIGHT I
WAS, WE WERE READING NUMBER SEVEN, THE DEATHLY HALLOWS AND
WE WERE GETTING NEAR THE END AND MY WIFE, MEREDITH CAME IN AND
JUST RANDOMLY STARTED FILMING US AS WE ARE SITTING THERE READING
AND THEN FILMED THE MOMENT WHEN I FINISHED ALL THE HARRY POTTER
BOOKS WITH ALLAH. BUT THIS IS IT.>>DID YOU VUSES FINISHED
BECOME.>>YEAH.>>YOU JUST FINISHED ALL OF
THEM.>>THAT WAS THE LAST SENTENCE OF
ALL OF IT.>>THAT WAS THE LAST SENTENCE.>>S WAS IT AMAZING?>>Stephen: HOW ARE YOU GUYS
NOT CRYING, HOW ARE YOU NOT CRYING?>>WELL, IF YOU NOTICE, THERE IS
A LITTLE LIKE I’M DOING ONE OF THOSE LITTLE THINGS RIGHT THERE. YOU CAN ALSO BARELY HEAR ME, I
GO ALL WAS WELL WHICH IS THE LAST– AND THEN IT ENDS. AND THEN SHE IS JUST LIKE OH MY
GOD, BUT I WANT TO KEEP DOING THAT, AND I DON’T KNOW– .>>Stephen: IT’S BEEN FIVE
YEARS.>>I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE NEXT
BOOK TO TRANSITION TOO.>>Stephen: HOW ABOUT LORD OF
THE RINGS.>>HERE IS THE THING WITH LORD
OF THE RINGS, THERE IS SOME, BECAUSE THERE IS THE HOBBIT,
WHICH IS– (LAUGHTER).>>Stephen: I DON’T KNOW.>>WAIT A MINUTE. DID YOU JUST GO LIKE– .>>Stephen: YEAH.>>THE HOBBIT IS NOT THE LORD OF
THE RINGS.>>YOUR TWITTER MENTIONS ARE
GOING TO GO INTO THE TOILET RIGHT KNOW.>>Stephen: DON’T GET ME
WRONG, DON’T GET ME WRONG THERE ARE SOME REALLY LOVELY THINGS
ABOUT IT, REALLY LOVELY THINGS ABOUT T THERE IS THE MENTION OF
GONDALIN. THERE IS THE SCENE WITH GOLUM,
THE BACK STORY.>>THE FINDING OF THE RING.>>Stephen: THAT IS THE THEME
OF GOLUM.>>YEAH, I KNOW BUT– .>>Stephen: DON’T TRY TO
SCHOOL ME ON THE THINGS THAT I LIKE ABOUT THE HOBBIT, RIGHT
HERE, OKAY, I’M NOT GOING TO STEP INTO MARVEL WORLD OR STAR
WARS. DON’T COME INTO THE LORD OF THE
RINGS OVER HERE.>>WE ALL SAW WHAT YOU DID TO
JAMES FRANCO, WE ALL REMEMBER THAT BRUTAL BEATDOWN WHEN HE
QUIZZED YOU ON THE SUMERELIAN, THAT WAS PRETTY BRUTAL, I’M NOT
DOING THAT, BUT SKIP THE HOBBIT.>>Stephen: I READ LORD OF THE
RINGS MULTIPLE TIME BEFORE I READ THE HOBBIT. THEN I READ IT AND I GET WHAT
THEY ARE REFERRING TO HERE, BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE THE HIGH STYLE
AND LANGUAGE. I DON’T THINK IT IS AS GOOD FOR
LORD OF THE RINGS.>>BUT FOR A TEN YEAR OLD.>>Stephen: SHE’S READY, SHE’S
PATTON OSWALT DAUGHTER, IF SHE WAS SIX, I WOULD SAY READ THE
HOBBIT, THAT IS FINE. BUT SHE’S READY, MAN.>>I’M JUST, I’M LIKE, BECAUSE
WHEN I WAS HER AGE, WHEN I WAS TEN AND THIS IS DUE TO THAT
REALLY BENIGN PARENTAL NEGLECT IN THE ’70S, BECAUSE MY PARENTS
WERE GREAT PARENTS BUT THEY WERE LIKE OH, THIS IS– ST A KILLER
DOG, KCUJO, ENJOY. I SWEAR TO GOD, I READ, I READ
THE STAND WHEN I WAS TEN, I READ– .>>Stephen: WOW.>>EXACTLY.>>Stephen: YOU HAVE SLEPT
YET?>>IT WAS A VERY, IT IS A VERY
WEIRD WAY TO READ BEFORE YOU GO THROUGH PUBERTY. LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. IT FEELS VERY STRANGE. AND I CAN’T READ HER CUJO WELL,
AND THEN THE KID DIED AND THE MOM WENT CRAZY, OKAY, GOOD
NIGHT. THAT’S NOT THE WAY TO FINISH. BUT MAYBE I COULD EVENTUALLY. AND SHE, BY THE WAY, SHE SEES
ALL THE STEPHEN KING BOOKS ON THE SHELF, I WANT TO READ SOME
OF THOSE, NO, YOU CAN’T READ THOSE YET.>>NO, NOT YET.>>Stephen: I DIDN’T KNOW YOU
WERE IN FAVOR OF CENSORING THINGS.>>OH, STEPHEN, FOR GOD’S SAKE,
I’M NOT GOING TO READ HER THE SHINING AND READ HER A LOVE
SCENE IN A HAUNTED HOTEL. I’M NOT GOING TO– .>>Stephen: I’M MERELY [BLEEP]
WITH YOU.>>OKAY. I GOT VERY DEFENSIVE.>>Stephen: I UNDER STAND THAT
YOU CANNOT WAIT FOR PEOPLE TO ATTACK ME OVER THE HOBBIT. THAT IS GOING TO BE INSANE.>>I AM JUST SAYING THAT– .>>Stephen: I’M NOT SURE IF
THAT IS GOING TO MAKE IT TO AIR.>>OH, REALLY. WOW. I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE SO INTO
CENSORING THINGS. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).>>Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
BREAK.>>OH.>>Stephen: PLEASE JOIN US,
WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE SIR PATTON OSWALT.

100 thoughts on “Patton Oswalt Is Shocked When Stephen Colbert Tells Him To Skip “The Hobbit”

  1. Stephen NO. Alice should DEFINITELY start w The Hobbit. It's a perfect prelude to LOTR especially considering her age. What's the rush? They just finished all 7 HP! The Hobbit is a funny and warm hop skip and a jump into the real drama of LOTR.

  2. My brother read me the hobbit when I was five and he was nine, and that's the age I read it to my kids, so I can see Stephen's point about her being ready for LOTR outright, but I still think he should start with it. The simpler language, shorter narrative, and whimsy are a good bridge from Harry Potter into LOTR.
    And I love his memories of benign neglect of earlier parenting. My parents were strict, but never censored our reading, it didn't occur to them. My brother introduced me to Stephen King at 6. Great brother. I do remember when he broke his collar bone and was having trouble holding books I was reading Cujo out loud to him. When my mom came in the room and heard f bombs coming from her 11 year old daughters mouth I think it finally occurred to her to check out what these books were, but the horse was a very long way from the barn at that point. Then I made my own kids wait a year between Harry Potter 3 and 4 cause I wasn't sure they were ready for the darker tone!

  3. The Hobbit is NOT fare for young children. . . At least original, unedited Tolkein. There's an ENTIRE CHAPTER on Hobbit Breakfast. . . Can't hold their interest w/ that. . !

  4. The finding of the ring isn't the one with Gollum,

    It's when they flee the goblins. Then later he runs into Gollum

  5. I dunno. I feel like The Lord of the Rings was written for people who could remember key story beats from The Hobbit, but not word-for-word. You COULD jump right into LOTR, I guess, but Bilbo's small, but significant, role would be lessened, and perhaps more confusing overall.

  6. 5:53 Can go old school, get some Ursela K. Le Guin on the go, maybe talk about how she was a woman, but wrote as a man, and during her journey as a person learned to write from a woman's perspective and so you'll see a shift in the Earthsea books from 1-3 to number 4.

  7. How is this a trending video when the leaked audio tapes on Amber Heard and Johnny Depp have millions of views in total? One by Incredibly Average has 1.5 mil views for a 3 day video. Is that not trending? It proves she lied and is the real abuser and no one wants to touch it. Not even TMZ. The audio was first released by Daily Mail over a week ago. Where's the coverage? Is it bc it doesn't fit a narrative of believe all women perhaps? #JusticeforJohnnyDepp

  8. Funny, I had the same reading order as Stephen for Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit back in the 1980s. I would never have thought that it is a sensible reading order for a lot of others.

  9. Yeah I'm with Colbert

    Despite The Hobbit technically being the first book you should read, you can easily skip it no problem. I read The Lord of The Rings first and when I went back to read The Hobbit, I didn't feel like I really missed out on anything plus, I feel like it was more enjoyable because I read The Lord of The Rings first.

  10. Why read aloud to a 4rh grader? 4th graders should read a book the way everyone else reads a book – to themselves. The kid should be reading aloud to Patton. .

  11. Practitioners in Germany held activities at the Munich Marienplatzch on August 24, 2019, introducing the benefits of Falun Gong, and exposing the Chinese Communist Party's (CCP) crime of harvesting organs from living Falun Gong practitioners. Many people had the opportunity to learn about what's happening and signed a petition in support of Falun Gong.

    Practitioners teach the Falun Gong exercises

  12. Patton should definitely read his daughter the Hobbit first. She is only ten, not that she isn't smart enough for the others, but more that she hasn't outgrown the Hobbit. Steven probably would have liked it better if he read it first.

  13. Think your current germophobia might be related to reading "Cujo" (rabies virus) and "The Stand" (fictional supervirus signaling the start of the Apocalypse) at age 10, Patton?

  14. "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" and the "Narnia" series!
    "At the Back of the Northwind"
    "I Capture the Castle"
    "A Wrinkle in Time"
    The "Anne of Green Gables" books.

  15. Personally, I love flying. It's like I'm a Greek God, sitting in a chair in the sky. (Credit Louie CK) So he rubs it in front of people… Celebrate human diversity.

  16. AHAHAHAHAHA oh my god… I love Patton and Stephen, this was amazing. "WOW, I didn't know you were so into CENSORING things" frickin killed me XD I need to look up their Silmarillion discussion… I can't spell it (._. ) my B… but this was so fun!!!!

  17. My dad read The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings to me as bedtime stories starting when I was 6. It took us two years, and it was perfect 😍

  18. When I was a kid my grandfather had me skip The Hobbit and go straight to Lord of the Rings. He said to read the Hobbit last. And he was pretty big on those books.

  19. Patton: Next book? Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons – Watchmen.
    Also, Stephen: That desk slide though. Go 'head, Steve Duke.

  20. STEPHEN! How dare you!!!! Once you used to be like Eru himself for me and now THIS.
    I am so disappointed!
    My first memory of Arda:
    Autumn evening, having tea with my mom listening to The Hobbit audiobook. And then my mom started to talk about talking trees who lost their wives and Tom Bombadil and… Ill never forget those moments.
    The Hobbit “eh“ … Stephen, shame on you! 😂🙇

  21. I agree with reading LoTR first and then maybe coming back for The Hobbit later. LoTR is the big one, The Hobbit is a good book in isolation, but its overshadowed by LoTR.

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