[upbeat music plays] If you’re watching this, it means you’ve just been elected President of the United States. Congratulations Mr. President! You know, being President can be tricky, which is why we’ve made this Presidential training video. Over the next few minutes, we’ll get you caught up on all the important Dos and Don’ts of being Commander in Chief. Now that you’re President, just about everything you say and do will be recorded for all time. So be careful not to do or say things you’ll regret. [cartoonish falling sound effect] [REAGAN] I received a letter from Massiga Su Okimora…oh, d*****. [CLINTON] I did not have sexual relations with that woman. [ANNOUNCER] Also, try to avoid certain topics of conversation during recorded meetings and phone calls, like, the Jews. [NIXON] The Jews are born spies. [ANNOUNCER] And finally, your bunghole. [JOHNSON] Around, under my, back to my bunghole. [ANNOUNCER] There. You haven’t done or said anything that embarrassing, now have you? Now that you’re President, you’ll be meeting with lots of foreign dignitaries. Remember to be respectful to every country, even if you’ve never heard of it. Because you never know when we might find out they have oil. Speaking of oil, every President wants to be the first to bring peace to the Middle East. Why shouldn’t it be you? So meddle! Meddle away! What could possibly go wrong? Want to start a war? Go for it! Your predecessors have paved the way. No need for a congressional declaration. You don’t even have to call it ‘war.’ But if you do, just remember: blame it on the last guy in office! It wasn’t my fault. I had to drop all these bombs before they went stale! Works every time. Under no circumstances are you to trust the Russians! You think they won’t invade, but they will invade! As President, it is of the utmost importance that you listen to the American people. But you can’t do it alone. A President only has two ears and one Twitter account. That’s why the NSA is here to help you. They have many ears and many eyes. Friend them and they will friend the American people. Well, I hope this video has helped prepare you to be the leader of the free world, Mr. President. Yes, it’ll be challenging, but remember: no matter how badly you screw up, it’s always the next guy’s problem. So, what advice would you give to the President? Let us know in the comments and subscribe to our channel, We The Internet TV. Follow us on Twitter and Facebook for new videos every week.