The Curse of the Olympic Flame


Wow, okay, I’m gonna be doing some real history for once. Twenty-eight hundred years ago they were these guys called the Greeks. They’re extinct now, but when they were around they invented the Olympics. “Lemme touch it.” “No.” To start the games, they would take a bunch of virgins – not that kind -(would hope so) Who would do a ceremony and light a torch using a curved mirror. That torch would light a cauldron which would burn throughout the duration of the games. Which didn’t go for very long by the way. Back then there were only about four events. Stick throw, heavy frisbee, Wrestling ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), And a fourth thing. 😉 So you were done in about 45 minutes and back to the villa in time for a traditional taco dinner. But here’s the important bit. The cauldron is tradition, But the torch relay is totally made up. It was invented in the 20th century for the 1936 Berlin Olympics as a symbolic piece of Aryan propaganda for you-know-who. Whoops! And so ever since… …It’s been cursed wOoOoOoooOOoOoo
(spook warning) But wait; back to the thing because you’re probably Wondering how the flame gets all the way from Greece to say, Brazil with an open flame. Well… It goes by boat, bus and plane carried on four separate minor style lamps. When it flies it goes business class, by the way, on two separate flights. Cool. Now you’re up to speed and I can start cataloging the Olympic curse. Let’s start with Rio in 2016. A country So corrupt the gold medals are made of chocolate and the chocolate medals are made of street crime. The lavish spending brought politics into the games and it quickly became a cat-and-mouse game between security staff and protesters. Welcome to the protesting montage! I know it sounds horrible when I say it like that, but bear with me! We have very fun activities that include: Almost dying in a stampede, Being sprayed with pepper spray or water or whatever that is, Call of Duty Simulator Getting firebombed even though Vietnam has been over for some 50 years So many fun activities for the entire family! So come on down to Rio and Protest today! The fun experience may include: Murders, Burglary, Arson, Assault, Being crushed by the hundreds of protesters, or being kidnapped. I am not responsible for any of these if they happen. Street parties People who can’t use wheel chairs worth a shit Torches Falling and then being bullied for it 🙁 I’m fine, don’t you worry! Too bad the fire isn’t fine. I wonder where it went? Someone said they thought they heard the fire say, “See you later, my friends!” BicycleLivesMatterFootage.mp4 They also had a Jaguar as the mascot which got spooked – probably by the fire – and then attacked one of the soldiers. Coyote: Ah, jeez! Bit me right in the face. They shot it. But this isn’t the first instance of the Olympics killing animals. Seoul, 1988, to celebrate the occasion, they released twenty four hundred white pigeons into the stadium. A great idea on paper. But then comes the Olympic flame and here’s the big ceremonial- …Oh, no… …Oooh, noo… People reported the smell of burnt pigeon for several days afterwards. In 2008, the curse came to Beijing. Here’s the route: starting in Greece with protests, then in Kazakhstan the Urygur? Uyghurs. Activists attempting to disrupt, although they got arrested and deported back to China. Turkey; more of the same type of protesters and more of the same types of arrests. Russia; protests. Then in Great Britain the torch relay had to be detoured several times. By the time it was gone there were over 70 arrests and the mayor described the security team as a bunch of thugs; also a protester with a fire extinguisher. France, more extinguishers and arrests. After 50 disruptions they gave up and just hopped on the bus in May. Argentina: the flame was attacked with Waterloo. Tanzania; no problems Oman, no problem. India, more protests. Thailand, more protests. Malaysia, more protests. Indonesia, more protests. Australia, more protests. Japan, more protests. South Korea, more protests. North Korea, *snicker* Of course there were no protests in North Korea. Vietnam, protests. Hong Kong, protests. Macau and arrests and then finally to China where the gods were so angry that the torch had made it, that an earthquake happened and… …70,000 people died. Another thing that keeps going wrong with the torch relay is that they choose the wrong people to carry it and then when it arrives at the cauldron it has a habit of going out. Montreal, in 1976 is considered the most disorganized Olympics ever. They had just finished building the stadium in time… Well, all except the roof. So, every time it rained, it went out. Luckily, a well-meaning security guard was there to rekindle it with his lighter. Funnily enough, this isn’t the first time that’s happened. 2014, Sochi. He gets about five minutes in and then, whoops. It’s gone out. So he marches over to this dude who just gives it the old montreal special They later head to douse him to relay it with the official flame. Also in Athens in 2004 The official cauldron was snuffed out by a passing breeze. 2012, the London Games, a gust of wind blew out the flame during the opening ceremony in Olympia. Look at the panic on this woman’s face. In London the rafting team here has oh-oh-oh!… Got splashed. In Sydney in 2000 did they pick Sanic as their mascot…? Protesters were there with a fire extinguisher…. …but failed. The ocean failed too, but ya boi, gust of wind… …Did it again. Anyway, I think you get the point. That’s about the end of the video except to say that it’ll be interesting to watch out for Tokyo 2020. It promises to be one of the longest relays ever. *cue sophisticated outro*
Dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab. “Nice to meet you.” “HMMMMMMMMMMMM” “Um you missed, um.” “You- you missed. Please stop.” Thank you internet historian! And thank you for watching.

100 thoughts on “The Curse of the Olympic Flame

  1. I just don't know how stupid for these politicians and orginizers to bring up the flame on a raft…. while diving through water

  2. You know with the knowledge of what happened in Akira and the Olympics set in Japan in 2020…

    Nah, there won't be no problems there

  3. Why not use water guns instead of a fire extinguisher?? Getting close to the flame is hard, but sniping it from afar shouldn't be a problem, especially if a large amount of protesters do the same.

  4. I have my USB device sound on windows set to "enemy spotted" and "enemy down" from counter strike 1.6. my MIDI keyboard was plugged into my computer and when it sleeps to save energy it technically disconnects from my computer. right at 4:25 "70,000 people died" "ENEMY DOWN!".

    I thought it was the funniest edit till i realized it was no edit… just fate.

  5. Other people in other country: Let's make a protest
    That random argentinian: I'm gonna throw water to the olympic torch

  6. Why were people trying to put out the flames? Did they think it would stop the Olympics? We see it go out several times, they just re light the dang thing; what's the point?

  7. Funny note about the 2020 olympics: Japan has no anti-spying laws and the korean and chinese governments are flooding spys into japan to attempt to sabotage the 2020 olympics. Sounds stupid? That's because it is. On the note of china, they've been trying to sabotage the 2020 olympics ever since japan won the bid. It's gonna be a hell of a show.

  8. I may talk In name of all Brazilians , chocolate medals taste like shit, like street crime, yes we have some messed up government and some people call our president a facist (left wing people) but we are trying to clean our country from corruption and street crimes.
    but if you survive Brazil, than you are in gamemode 1, here warrior are born

  9. I like how most people don't acknowledge (or even know) that the Olympic torch thing was invented by the Nazis 😛

  10. And let's not forget about the students massacre in Mexico that happened prior to the Olympics that were to take place in that same country, ordered in order to "keep things clean and under control" so the Olympics wouldn't be cancelled.

  11. I remember when I saw the flame go next to the Pink House (think White House, but the walls mixed with the blood money from rampant corruption) in Argentina. In between the street and the people, there was always a bunch of Chinese "volunteers", whose job was specifically to block the visibility of any "free Tibet" sign.
    Also, some idiots were tossing a bunch of papers from office buildings, apparently not aware of what fire does to paper. Thank God some considerate soul put of the flame, or that'd have been a serious fire hazard.

  12. "Montréal 1976 is considered the most disorganized Olympics ever." The 1904 St. Louis Olympics would like to speak with you.

  13. Huh, it seems as if something either doesn’t want the Olympics to happen, or at least wants the torch thing to stop.

  14. They also plan to have a moving 1/1 scale Gundam for the 2020 Olympics. So maybe it'll carry the torch lmao

  15. Why don't they use the sealed torch they use on the plane during the relay and at the stadium have a big one?

  16. Here we go
    ccome Tokyou 2020
    Let no flame of a 100 year of history be extinguish
    And may we actually ein a fuacking game

  17. 5:23

    no one:

    Not a soul

    Lady: internal monologue FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!!!!!!

    speaking Bring out the banner of May 21 2011 to set ablaze

  18. Tokyo is gonna have Godzilla running with the flame…so whenever it goes out, he just shoots atomic breath to light it back up.

  19. It may be that I am retarded, but I don't understand why the people in the video(except Brazil, I get that one) protest the torch. Can someone explain

  20. Flame in vented armored car: Hah, no one can put me out now
    Guy with a helicopter and lots of forest fire retardant: hmm?

  21. I don't believe em if they say they smelled burnt pigeons for days……I mean I've burnt pigeons on the grill multiple times,only smelled for bout 2 hours

  22. Maybe I missed it but why are they trying to put out the flame? Because the Olympics are a waste of resources?

  23. So proud of my country for showing up at this video. I remember the memes about putting the flame out. I felt a little bit tempted to try it, but when my mom told me that it was going to pass at 8 in the morning, I gave the fuck up

  24. When the Salt Lake Winter Games flame didn't go out and your from there…

    (And thats the rainy/snowy season in Utah)

  25. Ha I was in London for the Beijing torch procession and protests.
    Some guy wearing leather and beadwork was behind me yelling "Torch of Shame! Torch of Shame!"
    It snowed that morning. It was in April

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