[Windows XP start-up music plays] -Shut up! -Aaaahh… oh. Hello, paying customer. Has this problem ever happened to you? -Writing to my grandchildren is so hard. I’ll probably die before it even reaches them. -Well, there’s a solution and it’s called… The Internet! My name’s Bob Roberts. I’m a Vietnam war vet and a very skilled Internet user. The fact that you purchased this help guide on VHS tape means one of two things: either I’m dead and you’ve been rooting through my belongings or you want to learn how to get on the Internet. Either way, I think I can help you out. First, connect to the Internet. Hey! Hey, wait! [yells indistinctly] Make sure your computer’s actually plugged in. [grunts] All right. Now, connect to the Internet. [dialing] [modem screeching and pinging] It’s like beaming the Internets to, like, the moon or something. [screeching continues] Why do we really have to hear this noise? I– If the Internet is still not working for ya, you should pay your grandson a shiny new nickel to set it up for ya. That ought to buy him one of them Pokemans or whatever the hell those stupid jackasses are wasting their money on these days. Do you want to be famous on the Internet? Well, then, get The YouTube Show to come out to your house and film you so you can be on the YouTube Website Show. -Charlie bit me. -[laughs, farts] Damn barking spiders. Wow! Yeah! This is fun; I’m flying. Wow… oh. Yugh… Once you get the hang of it, the Internet is a beautiful place that is very polite and informative. If you got a question, type it in on Goggle, and someone working there will answer your question real quick. [pecking keys] Whoa! [trills] Well, there you have it. You too are now an Internet master. Congratulations! [fireworks popping] If you enjoyed this moving picture, be sure to check out my other VHS’s at all participating Blockbuster movie rental stores. Such as, Goldpanning for Dummies, Duke Nukem for Dummies, and Hemorrhoid Treatment for Dumb F–ks. Captioned by SpongeSebastian -To see more essential Internet advice from Bob Roberts, click the link in the description below! -Turn it off! -Press the subscribe button and the YouTube Website Show will send you a telegram to watch my new videos right away! How convenient!