Triumph The Insult Comic Dog Goes To Washington To Cover Trump’s Impeachment Trial


>>Stephen: FOLKS, AS I WAS
SAYING EARLIER, THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL OF
PRESIDENT TRUMP APPEARS TO BE COMING TO AN END. UNFORTUNATELY, NO NEW WITNESSES
WERE CALLED AND THERE WERE UNPRECEDENTED RESTRICTIONS PUT
ON THE PRESS CORPS. SO WE DON’T EVEN HAVE A CLEAR
IDEA OF WHAT HAPPENED BEHIND-THE-SCENES. THANKFULLY, AN OLD FRIEND CALLED
ME UP AND OFFERED TO GO TO D.C. AND BRING BACK AN INVESTIGATIVE
REPORT FROM THE HALLS OF THE SENATE. OF COURSE, I COULDN’T TURN DOWN
AN OFFER LIKE THAT, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES FROM ONE OF THE
MOST DISTINGUISHED JOURNALISTS I’VE EVER MET, TRIUMPH THE
INSULT COMIC DOG. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TONIGHT, IT IS WITH GREAT PRIDE
THAT WE PRESENT TRIUMPH’S EXCLUSIVE REPORT! JIM?>>HERE IN THE NATION’S CAPITOL,
OUR LEADERS HAVE GATHERED FOR THE SOLEMN PROCESS OF VOTING
ALONG PARTY LINES. MANY REPUBLICANS HAVE COMPLAINED
ABOUT THE LENGTH OF THESE HEARINGS AND HAVING TO SIT IN
THE CHAMBER FOR SO MANY HOURS WITHOUT HAVING A SPINE TO
SUPPORT THEM. ( LAUGHTER )
SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM HAS BEEN PARTICULARLY INCONVENIENCED, AS
HE WAS SCHEDULED TO HAVE ATTENDED A SCRAPBOOKING
CONVENTION WITH THE OTHER ELDERLY WOMEN OF SOUTH CAROLINA. ( LAUGHTER )
BEFORE TAKING THE SUBWAY TO THE CAPITOL, THE LEGISLATORS TALKED
TO THE PRESS HERE. RIGHT NOW, THEY’RE TALKING TO
SENATOR RICHARD BLUMENTHAL FROM CONNECTICUT, ONE TO HAVE THE
RICHEST SENATORS. HE’S WORTH $100 MILLION — OR AS
DONALD TRUMP CALLS IT, A BILLION DOLLARS. ( LAUGHTER )
ALL RIGHT, WE’RE LOOKING AT THE CAMERAMEN WHILE THEY’RE WAITING. THIS GENTLEMAN IS FROM, UH, CBS. AND THIS MAN HERE, YOU’RE CNN. AND RIGHT HERE, I UNDERSTAND YOU
ARE FOX. YOU ARE FOX. ( LAUGHTER )
A CHECK’S A CHECK. IT’S ALL RIGHT. I GET IT.>>I THINK IT’S INCREASINGLY
LIKELY THAT OTHER REPUBLICANS WILL JOIN —
>>HEY, MITT! I’M A DOG JOURNALIST! CAN I GET A RIDE HOME ON YOUR
ROOF? ( LAUGHTER )
SENATOR GRAHAM, I SAW THE VIDEO OF YOU WANTING WITNESSES AT
CLINTON’S IMPEACHMENT IN THE ’90s. WHY WOULD YOU CHANGE EVERYTHING
ABOUT YOURSELF AND KEEP THAT HAIRCUT? ( LAUGHTER )
OH, MY GOD! LEV PARNAS! LEV, YOU’RE MY FAVORITE
HENCHMAN! I’M GOING TO DO SOME HENCHING. I GORE WITH YOU?>>HE HAS REPUBLICANS. MANY OF US WERE NOT GIVEN
PRESS CREDENTIALS, BUT THIS REPORTER WILL NOT BE DENIED. HOW YOU DOING? COMING THROUGH.>>YOU CAN’T COME HERE. I’M THEORY REPORT ON THE VERY
IMPORTANT WASTE OF TIME GOING ON IN THE CHAMBER.>>YOU DON’T HAVE ACCESS. NO, NO, YOU DON’T
UNDERSTAND — I’M AN INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER. LOOK, I HAVE A SCOOP.>>I CAN’T LET YOU IN. NO, NO, LISTEN TO ME —
DONALD TRUMP WAS MORE FAMILIAR WITH LEV PARNAS THAN PEOPLE
REALIZE. LOOK, THAT’S TRUMP’S DRIVER’S
LICENSE. AMERICA NEEDS TO SEE THIS!>>I CAN’T LET YOU IN, SIR. OKAY, I GUESS I CAN’T BE
HERE. MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE CAN COME.>>HEY! HOW ARE YOU? I’M CHAD PENNINGTON. I’M A CORPORATE LOBBYIST FOR BIG
PHARMA. YES. NO, I’M VERY COZY WITH THE
SENATORS. THEY NEED ME IN THERE. YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME? LOOK. LOOK WHAT’S IN MY SUITCASE,
OKAY? CHECK IT OUT. HERE. ( LAUGHTER )
ADDERALL, IN REGULAR OR PRESIDENTIAL STRENGTH. AND THEN I ALSO HAVE
ANTI-DEPERESSENTS FOR THE DEMOCRATS AND ANTI-SEMITES FOR
STEVE KING. YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET THIS! HI! I HAVE A 1:00 WITH
MR. DERSHOWITZ! I AM HIS PERSONAL MASSEUSE! MY NAME THE OLGA! HEY! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I’M THE PIZZA DELIVERY GUY. I AM HERE TO CLEVER PIZZA FOR
THE SENATE. THIS ONE HERE IS VERY IMPORTANT. IT HAS EXTRA GARLIC TO PROTECT
SENATORS FROM RUDY GIULIANI.>>NOBODY ORDERED PIZZA. ( LAUGHTER )
>>HI. EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU A, UH, SENATOR?>>NO, I’M A MEMBER OF THE
HOUSE.>>YOU’RE NOT ONE OF THE 100
SENATORS?>>NO, I’M ONE TO HAVE THE 435
FROM BACK THERE.>>OKAY. I’M ABOUT 20% AS EXCITED, THEN. WITH UH BUT WE’VE HAD A NICE,
SERIOUS CONVERSATION AND I’VE REALLY ENJOYED IT. NOW, CAN YOU GET ME IN?>>I’LL DO MY —
ALL RIGHT. THEY’RE NOT GOING TO BUY THIS
COSTUME. GIVE ME ONE SECOND. I’M GOING TO CHANGE. HI, HOW ARE YOU?>>HI. NO ONE ALLOWED.>>I AM JOHN BOLTON, EXCUSE ME. I AM JOHN BOLTON, I AM A FORMER
AMBASSADOR, FORMER IRAQ WAR CREATOR, AND CURRENT AUTHOR OF
MY NEW BOOK “THE ROOM WHERE IT CRAPPENED.”>>YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE ON
THIS FLOOR.>>OKAY, JUST PLAY ALONG. I’VE GOT THE BACKUP, OKAY?>>OKAY. I’M JOHN BOLTON’S DOG. HERE. COME IN. COME IN. HERE. HERE’S THE REAL JOHN BOLTON.>>GOOD TO SEE YOU. , CONGRESSMAN,
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.>>YOU FOOLED HIM. PULL ON HIS MUSTACHE. SMELL HIS MUSTACHE, IT SMELLS
EXACTLY LIKE DICK CHENEY’S ASS. ( APPLAUSE )
I WAS UNABLE TO GET IN BUT APPARENTLY SENATORS ARE PASSING
BUT THE BOWELS FOR ANOTHER PHOTO OPPORTUNITY. SENATOR, ANOTHER QUESTION, WHY
DO YOU LOOK LIKE EVERY OTHER GUY WHO SAW THE MOVIE “CATS” ALONE? ( LAUGHTER )
ALL RIGHT, WE ARE SITUATED BY THE SENATE OFFICES. WITH NEW EVIDENCE PILING UP,
REPUBLICANS ARE WORKING TIRELESSLY TO IGNORE ALL OF IT. LET’S SEE WHAT WE CAN FIND. ALL RIGHT, HERE’S SENATE
MAJORITY LEADER MISH MISH’S OFFICE/TERRARIUM. ( LAUGHTER )
MITCH! MITCH! COME OUT! COME OUT OF YOUR SHELL, MITCH! ( LAUGHTER )
COME ON! JUST POKE YOUR HEAD OUT! JUST POKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR
SHELL! ( LAUGHTER )
I HAVE LETTUCE! ( LAUGHTER )
OH, BOY. ( LAUGHTER )
( KNOCKING ) TED! COME ON! IT’S YOUR OLD PAL! I’VE GOT GOOD NEWS! YOU’VE GOT A REAL SHOT IN 2024! THE LATEST POSTS SAY YOU’RE ONLY
3% BEHIND THE WUHAN VIRUS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TED! OKAY. WE’RE COMING TO SENATOR MICHAEL
B. ENSY OF WYOMING. AND WE’RE MOVING ON. ( APPLAUSE )
IT’S FRIDAY. THERE’S NOTHING REALLY ELSE TO
DO BUT SCREW WITH PEOPLE. HERE WE GO. LINDSEY! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! OVER HERE! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! LINDSEY, PLEASE! NO, NO, NO! OKAY! I LEAVE! I GO!>>MISS JONES, I THOUGHT THAT
WAS INAPPROPRIATE AND THE WAY SOME OF THE WOMEN WERE TREATED,
BUT HAVING SAID THAT, I ACCEPTED THE VERDICT —
>>BIND YOU! — THE SENATE AND THE CLOUD
HAS BEEN LIFTED. SO —
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>>– THERE YOU GO. THANK YOU, BUD.>>THIS IS TRIUMPH, REPORTING
FROM THE GREATEST DELIBERATIVE BODY IN THE WORLD! FOR ME TO POOP ON! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: TRIUMPH! THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH, MY
FRIEND! NEW EPISODES OF HIS PODCAST
“LET’S MAKE A POOP” ARE AVAILABLE THIS MONTH. TRIUMPH, THE INSULT COMIC DOG
EVERYBODY! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JAMES
TAYLOR.

100 thoughts on “Triumph The Insult Comic Dog Goes To Washington To Cover Trump’s Impeachment Trial

  1. Security guard almost broke character, gold medal he can maintain a straight face while talking to the dog and not the man behind the dog XDD

  2. I LOVE TRIUMPH !!!! SMIGEL is COMIC GENIUS….And I am still voting for TRUMP !!! MAGA 2020
    some of you obviously don't live in towns that have been overrun by illegal aliens. ย 
    I do. They take up low cost housing in cities and drive down wages for entry-level jobs

  3. Trump is such a freaking liar, how can anyone believe anything he says. He is the so stupit only stupit dogs like this one can understand him.. too funny ๐Ÿ˜‚

  4. colbert, Only in America could you have such frivolous, and not funny, political satire. You should be thankful you live in America and still have freedom of speech

  5. Heโ€™s so great! The anti-semites from Big Pharma–โ€œThe room where it โ€˜crappened.โ€ Oh yeah–Hamilton!

  6. Anybody that thinks almost half the country is for Donald Trump is sorely mistaken, less than 35% of Americans are for Trump. FACT: 35% of registered voters voted for trump. 36% of registered voters voted for Hillary Clinton. 29% registered voters did not vote, that is why Trump is president. FACT: If all registered voters voted, Trump or the Republican Party would never win another election again

  7. All the republiKKKans need a virus like that one in the Shyamalan movie where they off themselves voluntarily. That would be awesome.

  8. LOL now this is comedy gold oh, I love it. The reputations of nightly insults of trump are good but they get kind of style sometimes. Way to bring on the heat and finish this last year strong๐Ÿ‘

  9. As a non American I can sort of understand most of the jokes… I donโ€™t understand the one about Michael Enzi though… Can anyone explain?

  10. Notice the "Commonwealth of Kentucky" placard ? Very fitting for a 'Former Slave State that wishes it were still a Slave State'

  11. Thanks Triumph for telling it like it is… It should be called Wuhan virus. The Chinese government threw a fit and the WHO bow down to them.

  12. Wow, and that dog use to be funny, now he needs to be put out of his misery with that horses ass sitting behind the desk.

  13. It's pathetic that Conan O'Brien isn't hosting The Tonight Show. He would have been way funnier during Trump era than Jimmy Falllon fail ๐Ÿ™

  14. I get the sense that Robert Smigel and Triumph can't get close to any of the politicians, except the few that agreed before hand. The security guys conversations were scripted, probably.

  15. The USA going down whit the Antichrist Donald Trump , the USA just get more enemies around the world thanks this ass hole

  16. Republican Senators Sitting for hours, Without a spine to support them ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿคฃ

  17. Please Triumph! Go to the WH and bite Trump in the neck so hard that you sever his jugular! I promise you every doggy treat and cigar you could ever want!!

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